Dreamer

Perhaps I should be more of a dreamer. I live with someone who can be a dreamer. He dreams of trips to far off places, of houses, of a life full of big things.

Sometimes I can be too real, too far away from the possibilities floating about in my head.  I think about life in the now. I think about goals we have set (getting married and buying a house), and I think about how expensive those goals will be to follow through with.  Because my thoughts are centered around our bank accounts both now and future, I always end up being the dream squasher. The one who looks him right in the eye and says "well, what about this," or "what about that."  "How could we possibly do all of the things you keep talking about." 

I ask, why can't I be more of a dreamer.  I could say, "YESS, Let's do that!" Even if, in reality, there is no way that could happen along with all of the other goals we have for the future.  Could we go to South Africa in two years for the World Cup? Probably not, if we want to buy a house, but does that matter RIGHT NOW? No.  It doesn't.  Of course, we all know that I would be heading to a different part of Africa while my boy and his friends were watching Soccer.

Maybe I can learn a thing or two from the dreamer.  Dream big or go home.

How White am I? stolen and edited to my tastes

If you haven't checked out the hysterical site Stuff White People Like, I highly recommend that you do. If not for the things listed that call out many white people in this country, do it for the heated comments that people leave who have no sense of humor/wouldn't get it to save their lives.

It blows me away that the author started this site in JANUARY OF THIS YEAR, and already he has a book coming out in July in addition to the nearly 30 million hits to his site to date. If only we could all be so lucky.

I was going through the list and started to wonder how truly white I am. And if I don't fall into the category of "white," what exactly does that make me then? Let's analyze:

Very me:

5. Farmers markets

6. Organic foods

7. Diversity

12. Non-Profit Organizations

15. Yoga

18. Awareness

19. Traveling

22. Having two last names (HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA not by choice)

32. Vegan/Vegetarianism

41. Indie Music

42. Sushi

43. Plays (if I could afford to go)

48. Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops

49. Vintage

51. Living by the water

59. Natural medicine

60. Toyota Prius

61. Bicycles

64. Recycling

65. Co-ed Sports

84. and 86. Shorts and T-shirts

Things white people like that I definitely don't like

29. 80's night

33. Marijuana

52. Sarah Silverman

63. Expensive Sandwiches

66. Divorce

76. Bottles of water

55. Apologies (I laughed so hard at this one... I heard a lady in Kohl's the other day say, "I'm sorry, those are mine," to an employee who was trying to organize the area and I wondered why in the world she felt the need to apologize for that fact.)

56. Lawyers (Oops... did I say that out loud?)

62. Knowing what's best for poor people

Anyway, you do the math. But per the list, I am pretty damn white. And i'm ok with that. As long as I am an open-minded, vegetarian, who loves plays, hybrid vehicles, recycling, indie music, and wearing t-shirts and shorts while I live by the water.

Blu

Thinking back it seems like everything we have is pretty easy to take for granted. Please see below blog where I declare my open availability for anything this summer. Most people are out there right now working their bootys off to make money and live their lives. But most of them are "living to work" because of the economy right now, gas prices (holy F), and cost of living in the haven that is SoCal.

I am not. I am sitting here, in my house, when the sun shines outside my patio door, and still I can't help but feel a little down. As it turns out I had a different view of what my life would have been like when I reached 26. As an idealistic 19yr old sophomore at UNLV I thought for sure that I would be married by 26, living a successful life in CAL and loving it (accomplished part of that goal), have a house and a dog (at that point I didn't think children would be in my future). Let's run through that list as we look at my current life. Yes. I am 26. No I am not married. Yes I am living in CAL, liking it, but not loving it. No house and no dog. And no real job. And since I stopped going to the gym when I started grad school I have also become soft in the middle which isnt the end of the world, but also isn't where I want to be right now.

Part of me looks back on goals I set, accomplishments of those goals, and realizations that those were not the goals that would carry my into a happy long life. Since I love lists, lets make one.

It was a goal of mine to get away from home and move all over. Check (alaska, nevada, arizona, new york, CAL)

It was a goal of mine to go to college to be a Marine Biologist. Check (the math is over my head so plans changed)

It was a goal of mine to overcome a health issue that plagued my life for many years. Check, and proud of that check although the struggle is still daily.

It was a goal of mine to Move to CAL and work in the surf industry. Check and Check. Moved to CAL after school and worked at Rusty and O'neill.

It was a goal of mine to find the man of my dreams, marry him, get a house and a dog. Let's see. Check, no check, no check and no check. I found the man of my dreams, but have been patient and given him the time to be ready to ask the question I have been dying to be asked for a while now ;)

Who knew that life could make so many different twists and turns. Who knew that I would love working with kindergarteners so much. I mean with all of the love they ooze through their tiny little poors it isnt hard, but patience is a virtue and apparently I had some hidden deep inside of me.

Anyway, the point of this whole blog is that I have a lot to be thankful for but for some reason I find myself in a bit of a slump. I am looking for a way out of it and perhaps it is just a day to day journey. I have to find the inner smile what I know I possess. We do fun things all of the time and while I try and be happy, smile, and enjoy myself, I find that I have a hard time with this. So we will see what the summer brings. My life has always been better when I am busy and doing something. So hopefully there will be something really amazing to be planning for this summer.

Summer Time

Summer is approaching quickly with southern California temperatures hitting low to mid 90's. Last year at this same time I was nothing but busy. Matt and I had just moved into our apartment and we were still getting settled, in the midst of mental breakdowns I was having over lamp shopping, I was diligently studying for all three CSET's, working at the restaurant; just having left a full time job with a consistent paycheck, and taking three summer school classes. Nothing short of a busy little worker bee with little time to see the ocean and the sun.

This summer is different. No tests to study for. No lamp shopping to be done. No classes to be taken. Not even a full time job as tips from my 5 5hour shifts at the restaurant can pay the bills. So what do I do? Here are some different pseudo goals I have: (in no particular order)

1. Read a book every two weeks. My library needs to grow for this goal to be accomplished but I do have friends and family to borrow from and there is always the public library.

2. Hit the gym at least four times a week. With Matt working full time and me sitting around taking care of the house, reading, and doing whatever else I should have time to hit the gym for at least an hour. Plus! The gym is NEVER busy in the middle of the day!!

3. Make an effort to learn to cook.

4. Get my credential

5. Find a job!

So that is that. Wish me luck.