Life as we know it

I am pretty sure I just got a red light camera ticket on El Toro which means lots of money in fines, traffic school, and possibly a raise in insurance. I have said a prayer to God about what is going on and I asked for help.

For the half an hour, or maybe forty five minutes after, I proceeded to throw a terrible personal pitty party complete with tears. For months now I have spent time doing a lot of self-loathing wondering when I could catch a break, and maybe if I sucked it up things would turn around.

Now if anyone has any suggestions on how to not focus on the things going wrong and center my attention on the things that are going RIGHT I would be much obliged to listen. This statement, of course, is completely contradictory to what I have been saying to friends and family lately when they try to offer calming words.

I want to extend an apology to all who have listened to me speak sad, pathetic words about my current situation and life direction. I can't promise it is going to make a total 180 in a day, or even a week, but hopefully soon I can focus on the good and leave the bad behind.

All the things I think about when I should be sleeping

For some reason, the second my head hits the pillow the the goal to fall asleep, my mind decides to run. It runs from one thought to another, kind of like free association writing, only it only thinks. One though to another. It is like if someone asked my mind to say anything and everything it can. I even tried meditating last night with a mantra that I learned from "Eat, Love, Pray." I don't think mediation works when thinking about sleeping. Here is a long list of what my mind thought about, just last night.

1. My hair is long
2. I need a hair cut
3. I wonder if I can schedule a hair cut
4. Meditate, breath, meditate
5. Im so tired
6. My neck hurts
7. My leg itches
8. I wish I could sleep, this sucks
9. Hopefully I am not missing out on jobs that are miraculously posted online
10. Why cant I get a job
11. Jen wanted to publish her book
12. Can I help her with that?
13. My neck hurts
14. I spent too much money today
15. Why do I spend money on crap I dont need
16. I should be able to spend money, I mean, I cant not ever buy anything
17. If I can't sleep then I should go read, but the light will be too bright
18. If we had a bigger apartment I could go in the other room and read
19. It's so hot!

AND SO ON!
I didn't fall asleep until 2 when eventually I went out in the living room and slept on the couch.

Wedding Notes

So the big day, came and went, and was purely magical in all senses of the word. Matt and I both do not remember there being anyone aside from us in the church during the entirety of the ceremony. It was beautiful complete with scary baby faces, and I was more than appreciative to have everyone there who could make it and genuinely missed everyone who couldn't.

Kendal and Becca were the best number ones Matt and I could have had. Their speeches were priceless and Becca really worked her magic as maid of honor. The flowers glowed with life and were exactly as I had imagined they would be. Moms and Dads all did their jobs of keeping the peace and making sure things got done.

The day was exactly as I had imagined with few stresses, aside from the nervous laughter as those giant Spanish doors opened and all of a sudden I had a hundred sets of eyes starting directly at me. It is a wonder that at my best friend's wedding a year and a half ago I could do nothing but cry, and when mine comes around I laugh my way all the way down the aisle. One laughs so she does not cry, I guess.

The reception was a great party. We paid the dj to stay another hour, and had more that a new "MVP's" thanks to the free beer and wine. You know who you are. As a testament to the type of party it was, here is a picture of my shoes in which I stayed in, the entire time.



Thank you to everyone who made this day everything I thought it would be, and more. I love you all.

One last time

It is sunny out today, here in Laguna Beach. Sadly, I am inside working on my thesis one last time. Tomorrow is the day I present my project to a jury of my peers, and it is the last time I will talk about my paper to people who care (or more likely, are being forced to listen).

This is the last time I will be sitting in the quiet of the beach house while everyone else is celebrating the nice day by sitting on the beach.

There are many different things coming up in the next few months. One major thing is out of the way--Graduation. After what Matt would refer to as a long 2.5 years I walked with my friends down an aisle of grass wearing a bright flower lei. The dean handed me a red leather folder supposedly holding a piece of paper adornming me with a title of Master, offically making me a more expensive yet more accomplished Teacher. Little did those people in the small, although welcoming audience know--that folder held only a letter from Chapman's alumni association setting me up for the countless requests for donations I can look forward to exiling to the recycling bin, most of which will never be opened.

Yes. Graduation is done and out of the way. Now comes the wedding and the job search.

I can admit that this is not an exciting post, but one that will showcase to my readers the fact that I am still living and breathing. I can say that there will be more to come, but if you review my blog and are aware of my inability to write spontanious bits of comedy you will know that it may be a long while before I blog again.