Monday, May 5, 2008

A red ladder helped me out of a black hole

Apparently I have been blessed and forgot to take notice. Things have been pretty hard the past couple of weeks for me personally and I am having a bitch of a time dealing with it. Finishing my student teaching put my into kind of a black hole, I loved being in the classroom and implementing strategies and interacting with the kids on a daily basis. Student teaching for me was basically a job that I loved that I was forced out of. It seemed that taking me out of that environment and back into the world of being jobless and out of money was like removing me from a dream where JakeG rides up to me on a white horse and steals me away to live on an island somewhere forever.

I've started to get a little funky, like not smelly, but in a funk. My heart sank more and more when people talked about the sinking job market and I focused on my declining bank account. I got pissed when the government didn't hand me all of the free money they didn't even really promise us, but for some reason I thought I was entitled to.

So yesterday when my heart was in a dark place I was sitting on the beach watching the waves crash in front of me. The ocean and the beach used to be my haven, the place I went to be with God, to find peace, to relax, but yesterday it was just another place to be. That is until my red-headed friend who I have been hanging out with for the past 5 1/2 years made me think again. He reminded me to open my eyes and look before me to what is happening. The ocean is God in liquid form and I am beyond lucky to be where I am. I am beyond lucky to have the things I have. I have forgotten that my life does not revolved around my band acct unless I create that mindset. He kindly noted that although I get on his case for being negative about getting into business school I do not practice what I preach when it comes to getting a job next fall.

It was then that I looked out in front of me and listened to his voice on my left. We live in paradise, a place where people pay thousands of dollars to visit. If we are tired or stressed out we can drive 5 miles and place our booties on the sand, close our eyes, and listen to the crash. We have a one bedroom apartment in Laguna beach which is leaps and bounds above living in a cardboard box on a street somewhere. Our cars not only get us from point A to point B but we also have keyless entry and working breaks. We have time to chill and live instead of having to work hours upon hours upon hours. We are not alone. We have family and most importantly we have each other. And then he said the thing that hit me the hardest. "Think about all of the things you have and remember that you cant take it all for granted because one day it could all be gone and then where would you be."

He was right, dont tell though, he wouldn't let me live it down.

I am going to try to turn over a new rock (cliche, I know). Pick up my chin and make things happen for myself instead of thinking it should be handed to me. So wish me luck friends, because here I go!


aea said...

GO AMBER! I've watched you accomplish everything you have every wanted to accomplish since I've known you- everything. This will be no exception, I know it! One of my favorite things about God is that He is on our side... so who can be against us?

Love you!

aea said...

p.s. every = ever. Drrrrrrt. I hate typos. Lol.

a. said...

More blogs please.